Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Falling for Him

I know in the past I've been rather lazy about posting regularly, but nowadays I swear I have a good excuse. I'm simply busy falling madly and deeply in love.

And seriously, can you even blame me?

*6 days old*

This baby is going to be 2 weeks old tomorrow, how can that be? Wasn't I just pregnant and wondering if I would perhaps stay that way forever?

I don't want to jinx myself and ruin our good fortune, but he is such an easy going baby and things are just amazing right now. For fear of tempting fate, I'll just leave it at that, but honestly I cannot believe how graceful this entire transition has been and I am thankful for every second of it.

Of course it helps a ton to be teamed up with World's Greatest, who by the way is pretty much beyond amazing at everything he does, and I'm sort of falling in love with him all over again through all of this as well.

*5 days old*

This is not to say that everything is all rainbows and butterflies. Am I tired? Sure. Have there been some post partum mood swings while hormones adjust? Oh you bet. Do I get overwhelmed at times by the magnitude of it all (let's be honest, we're talking about a household of 11 here)? Umm. OF COURSE.....

But mostly, I feel like the luckiest woman alive, and I am trying not to take a single moment of this for granted.


"here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)" ~E.E. Cummings.

It's now been 2 years and I want you to know that we are always together, we are connected in ways that even I haven't quite discovered yet. A Rainbow baby is not a replacement baby and while Oisín has helped to heal me in ways that nothing else could, he is not you. There is a seperate space for you and there always will be, but I want you to know that I'm not nearly as sad as I once was. I carry you with me always, I carry you with me in my heart but it's a heart of joy now.

There is joy here.


Sara said...

LOVE!! Love for you, for your words for your sweet baby boy in a basket, and for the tender remembrance of the sweet one who came into your heart and body and mind, but didn't make it to your house.

Samantha of the Ojibirish11 said...

Thank you Sara.