Saturday, January 31, 2009

100%

Thursday morning brought the phone call we have all been waiting for...

"Samantha, this is Andrea the genetics counselor, I just got your final results in and....big sigh of relief, everything looks absolutely normal."

I thanked her politely before hanging up and then I screamed at the top of my lungs and danced around the living room in a crazy release of energy. The babies watched this quietly, debating amongst themselves how they should react to such a scene. In the end all 3 of us were whopping and hollering and jumping around in wild celebration with our hearts wide open and our guards completely down. I called Brendan at work to share the good news and after talking a bit about how happy and relieved we were, I began to have a relapse....

Me: How often do you think they get patient test results mixed up? Like, how do we know FOR SURE that those were OUR results?

Brendan: (Long Pause)............Honey? I'm hanging up the phone now.

And this is why I love the man I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with, he knows exactly when to pull me back down to reality and helps keep me grounded when I begin to drift again. Our baby, while quite possibly missing one tiny nasal bone, does not in fact have Down Syndrome and we now know this for sure, one hundred percent. I suppose when you are the youngest of eight children you have to try and get attention any way you possibly can.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Forever


Well, it has taken me forever to write a piece about the birth of the twins, and the longer I waited the easier it became to keep putting it off. Hmmm, where to start?

In February of 2007 Brendan and I decided that we were ready to take the next step in our relationship and have a baby together. We'd been partners for nearly 3 years at that point and had done a fairly decent job of integrating our two families into one. Even though our blended family was very well represented with 5 special children, we had always talked about having "one more" somewhere down the road. We even bought our mini-van with one extra seat knowing that someday we'd have a new little one to fill it with.

When we finally decided to go ahead and start trying, I was instantly consumed with everything baby. I haunted the infant section at Target and tried not to buy anything. I read baby books and joined an online community (hello BabyCenter!) of other hopeful women. I started taking prenatal vitamins and trying new recipes out of pregnancy cookbooks. I researched ovulation cycles and concentrated more on fertility than anything else. I even bought some ovulation prediction kits (OPK's) and tested myself daily, the results were always negative. I began to worry that we might have a hard time getting pregnant. Everything I had read said that when you stop taking the pill it may take your body up to 3 cycles to start ovulating again, and since the OPK's said that I was not ovulating I began to prepare myself for a long wait. I also started taking home pregnancy tests a week before I got our first positive. I must have spent a small fortune on those darn Early Response kits.

On March 10, 2007 we got our big fat positive and although the line was very faint (so faint in fact that Brendan couldn't even see it!) I just knew we were pregnant. A visit with Dr. Chambers 3 days later confirmed what we had been hoping for and we were given a due date of November 16, 2007. I was in heaven. HEAVEN.

Everything went along very smoothly for the next 3 months or so. We told the kids in April and they were very excited about our news. We toasted the announcement with sparkling grape juice and talked about our growing family with enthusiasm and curiosity. Brendan came along to our prenatal visits and warmed up to Dr. Chambers instantly (honestly there isn't much to NOT like about either of them) and we got to hear the baby's heartbeat at around 10 weeks while declining any early ultrasound screening. Everything was going just as we had planned and we couldn't have felt any more grateful for all of it.

Then in my 11th week of pregnancy I began spotting. It was an isolated incident and after speaking with the on call dr. I felt assured that these types of things happen and are really no big deal most of the time. A few days later I began spotting again, but this time it was actual bleeding and a fair bit more than I felt comfortable with and so we went to the ER. It was of course night time when this happened, these types of things always occur after hours. I will tell you this, the ER is not overly competent when it comes to Obstetrics, and really why should they be? There is really not much to be done regarding first trimester loss and anything past that point they send up to Labor and Delivery. We just so happened to be right at the cut off (11weeks 5days) and so we had to stay downstairs with the ER staff who were not that impressed with a pregnant lady spotting a little bit.

They brought out what must have been the dinosaur of all fetal heart rate dopplers and attempted to find our baby's heartbeat. They couldn't. I was beginning to really panic at this point and couldn't focus on the fact that their antique equipment might be to blame, I was too scared. Finally the decision was made to send me up to radiology for an ultrasound. It was cold and dark, the hospital was eerily still. The technician was faceless and made Brendan wait outside the room. She kept the screen tilted away from me and didn't say anything at all, just performed the job with her eyes pointing directly ahead. We barely even spoke.

We went back down to the ER, and waited for the results to be faxed in. I think it is only fair to mention that during our wait, we watched some television to pass the time and thus our love affair with Scrubs was born. Finally, yet another dr. came in and said, and I quote, "Baby's heart beat looks just fine and baby is measuring right on target, take it easy and follow up with your OB tomorrow". And that was that. We went home, very relieved and I made a follow up with Dr. Chambers for Friday morning. May 4, 2007. I was 12 weeks pregnant.

When Dr. Chambers came into our room, the first thing he said was..... 

"Congratulations, I understand you are having twins!".

What? The ER had not mentioned anything about twins! I looked at Brendan skeptically, caught off guard, not really processing the words. And then to make matters worse, our Dr. chuckled (he is constantly smiling and chuckling, which is something I usually enjoy about him) and then he winked, he WINKED, at Brendan and I immediately thought he was just joking. Although, in hindsight I realize that OB's generally don't kid around about this type of stuff with their patients. At the time though, I really did think he was just joking and so I re-directed the conversation and began rambling off my list of questions. Remember, we were there due to some pretty heavy bleeding and I was feeling rather scared and quite somber about the entire affair. I was definitely not in a joking mood. Apparently, my placenta had begun to tear away from the uterine wall, which was the cause of the bleeding. Chambers was very optimistic about all of this and said that most cases heal up within a matter of days and that I would just need to go on bed rest until the bleeding had stopped for at least 48 hours. He reassured me that the condition, known as a Sub Chorionic Hematoma (SCH) was fairly common and since ours was measuring on the small end of the spectrum (2.6 cm) we should expect the best. He then paused, looked me directly in the eyes, and said....

"I just want to you to know that you REALLY ARE having twins".

At which point Brendan began laughing and I began sobbing, and I mean full out shoulder shaking, face crumpling sobbing. In case you haven't gathered by now, I'm a crier. Needless to say, both men were a little stumped and clambered about in an attempt to calm me down. Looking back, we must have made a fairly comical scene. What you have to remember is that I was there because I thought that we were losing our baby and even after hearing the optimism in our prognosis, I was still scared out of my mind. When I heard that we were having two babies I was instantly, INSTANTLY, scared for both of them. The love that I already had for our one Lima bean did not divide in that moment, it actually doubled and it did so immediately. That's the one thing about twins that I learned rather quickly, and one of the things for which I am most grateful and lucky for, the amount of love that they can bring into your life in a matter of moments.

And that is our story about the twins. The rest of our pregnancy went rather smoothly in comparison. I gained 80 pounds, drank a gallon of water every day, had a billion ultrasounds, didn't find out the sex of either baby, daydreamed all the time about the magical journey we were in for, read a dozen twin books, learned more about zygosity than seemed possible (or even relevant) and hoped and hoped and hoped for a natural childbirth experience.

Unfortunately, baby A was breech from around 32 weeks on. I held out hope that we'd get a flip out of that stubborn little thing but to no avail and it became increasingly clearer that I would need to have surgery to birth my children. Oh how I really let the flood gates open up for that one. To make matters worse Dr. Chambers said that he would not schedule a c-section for me, that I would have to go into labor on my own and then be admitted for one. The nerve of that holistic doctor! :)

By the time I reached 38 weeks, both babies were estimated to be well over 7 and a half pounds each and my body was not showing a single sign of stopping. No contractions, no effacement, no dilation, nothing, and I was reaching the end of my sanity. Finally he agreed to schedule the surgery for Monday November 5, 2007.

I won't go into the details of the actual procedure, but I will say this, in the weeks leading up to our surgery, I felt a great amount of sorrow over not being able to have the natural delivery I had hoped for. The sterile operating room was cold and I remember it feeling very strange that we were able to just pick a time for our children to be born, very strange indeed. After 2 completely natural and drug free deliveries, I was not prepared for the idea of having a cesarean. But you know what? None of that matters one bit. As soon as baby A was brought forth from my womb and the announcement was made, "You have a little girl" nothing about her delivery was of any consequence anymore. One minute later, when baby B arrived and we learned that we had also welcomed a son, the rest of the world and the staff and the tubes and machinery all faded away. I cannot put into words what I felt like in those moments immediately following their births. Seeing them for the first time was like poetry, like perfection. Welcoming them into our world was simply one of the best days of my life, incision and all.



Nuala Wassakwane (pumpkin blossom)
11/5/2007~12:59pm~ 7lbs. 10oz~21 inches.

Oscar Anowatin (the wind is calm)
11/5/2007~1pm~7lbs even~21 inches.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Safety First


Just in case anyone is wondering, our twins still ride rear facing in the car. I bought their Britax Marathon car seats for the specific reason of keeping them rear facing for as long as possible, which will be up to 35 lbs and 49 inches. When both Maija and Micah were little, I turned them forward facing as soon as they hit the one year mark. Obviously they both turned out just fine. Since then however, I have learned a lot more about the ways in which the impact of a crash will affect a child's body depending on which way they are facing when the accident occurs. There is plenty of information available online these days, and I have found the most compelling arguments for extended rear facing to be in the crash test footage.
If you are on the fence about this decision, take a few minutes to watch these videos, you will need to scroll down the page a bit, but I think you may find them to be quite helpful when making an educated decision for your family.
Otherwise, do a search of your own regarding "extended rear facing" you might just be surprised by what you find, I know that I certainly was.


***Hehehe, now that I've learned how to "link" things I may just be your new worst enemy!***

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Peek A Boo


I couldn't resist posting this, although it does look entirely too dangerous and may have you questioning my parenting abilities......

Nuala has a new comedy routine and she was very interested in Oscar's take on things, watch how she immediately asks him for some constructive criticism. He was too busy reading and refining some yoga poses to pay much attention to her tricks.

She didn't seem to mind too much though, and kept trying to practice her routine despite his disinterest.


The Domes


We took the twins to the domes for the first time last week. They were impressed to say the least. Oscar could not take his eyes off of the train exhibit and was content to stand and watch the locomotives as they chugged past again and again.




Nuala and Ruari made the rounds together (it's so nice having older kids who want to help out once in a while!). Can you spot them in the crowd?


Nuala was curious about the dome itself, and kept staring up at the great architecture in wonderment, giving it some serious thought....



We met my friend Lori there with her son Logan and it was a great way to spend a frosty winter day, especially since the Domes are free to county residents from 9-11:30 every Monday morning.




Monday, January 26, 2009

Buddies

I finally witnessed the twins sharing an inside joke and I even caught it on video. 



Seems that ever since I voiced my concerns about their twin bond, they have been chasing each other about like 2 peas in a pod completely absorbed and curious with one another. Just a few moments ago Oscar was pouting about something and Nuala crawled up to him and giggled right in his face.....I watched silently and waited and sure enough, after thinking it over for a few seconds he giggled right back and began chasing her around the living room the way twin buddies should.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Bedside Manner

Well since things have been rather heavy around here, it's time for some frivolous fun.
I saw this on another blog and couldn't resist.

What am I reading right now? Better yet, what is the state of my nightstand? Funny thing, we don't actually have a nightstand, our bed is built right into the wall underneath the second floor staircase. This can be slightly irritating since I can hear every little creak and moan of the wooden floors above my head, especially when I am sleeping. I can hear the cat traveling back and forth in the early morning hours when the rest of the house is quiet and still. The only saving grace in all of this is that I will have a close ear on all of my teenagers as they reach the 'sneaking out' stage of adolescence. Our house is old enough to make all the right sounds in all the right places, they'll need a couple of knotted sheets to get past me and the staircase security.

Another advantage of having a built in bed, means having a built in nightstand, or in our case bookshelf....

Some points of curiousity:
*3 Big Gulp sized cups, how many do I really need?
*3 rolls of Scotch tape, when have I EVER used this stuff in bed?
*2 Social Security cards, obviously a very safe spot.
*2 flashlights, ummm just in case?
*12 half read magazines.
*My beloved laptop.
*1 very lonely and very neglected journal.
*2 dusty baby books, when was the last time I wrote in those?
*1 baby monitor that we haven't used in months.
*3 chapsticks, since I may run out in the middle of the night. I am constantly applying the stuff and yet my lips are still chapped, which leads us back to the Big Gulps.


*Wood burnings, Nuala designed the little one with help from Dada of course.
*Prenatal vitamins I am terrible at taking.
*Cigar box filled with love letters and special trinkets from those early days of infatuation.
*A Transformer
*Baby books
*Select pieces of Micah's Art.
*A Mario Mushroom (my personal favorite of the whole shoot n' match)






*Ok, you busted me, those ARE People magazines, a guilty pleasure I must admit.
*Ojibwe book I am still getting around to starting.
*Louise Erdrich, if you don't know....find out. She is amazing.


So there you have it, and as promised this one was nice and fluffy. Take a minute or two to think about it, laugh about it, even roll your eyes about it (which is exactly what Brendan did when he walked in and found me taking pictures of our bookshelf ).
The questions remain.......
What are you reading right now?
What's on your nightstand?

Friday, January 23, 2009

ONE

This post will be a little different, it's a running journal of the week we've had here and I debated for a while as to whether or not I would even publish it. I've come to the conclusion that it is a piece of our family history now and should not be held inside or kept separate from the whole.

Tuesday January 20, 2009
One can be a very powerful number.
One appointment at One o'clock.
One ultrasound.
One baby.
One perinatologist.
One question ("How old are you?)
and in that One second I knew something was wrong.
One marker for Down Syndrome
One nasal bone that doesn't look quite right.
One moment for everything to stop moving, for my breathe to catch, for the tears to fall.
One can be a very powerful number indeed.

Wednesday January 21, 2009
Today I had an amnio done and I am feeling, well, just lost. The past 24 hours have been a blur and I feel like I am coming unglued. Like my entire world is just unraveling, and I don't even know where to begin. I have a million questions and worst case scenarios running thru my head and everything is happening so fast I can't seem to get a handle on it or slow down.

We had our big ultrasound yesterday and when the dr. (not my ob, a peri. who works in the Maternal Fetal Medicine department) came in I just had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. When she asked me how old I was, I just knew and I practically started crying right then and there. The baby looks beautiful, all the organs are fully formed, she says, but....

Apparently they couldn't find a visible nasal bone and this is a marker for Down Syndrome, a "soft marker" she explained, and since my blood screen results were so good (1:35,000 chance for Downs) one soft marker alone is not enough for a diagnosis. I declined the amnio that she offered me and went home with my thoughts in a complete haze. I 'researched' nasal bone online and could only find terrifying articles, all of which said that an absent nasal bone is nearly a guarantee for Downs. I wept in the arms of my husband and played out a million different scenarios in my head. I could feel Junebug flipping about as I drifted off to sleep.

Today we met with a genetics counselor who said that we were still at a less than 1% chance, but I just couldn't get all those medical journals out of my head, and I couldn't bear the thought of spending the next 20 weeks wondering. So we went ahead with the amnio. I still cannot believe it, that this is happening, and it is a very scary place to be when you don't even know how you truly feel. I feel completely powerless and alone. Brendan has been wonderful, he is a phenomenal partner to have, but I still feel like I am about to drown from the weight of these emotions.

I kept saying to myself thru this entire pregnancy, "Wow, twins will be a tough act to follow, how do you TOP that?". Well, I just may have my answer. And I feel so stupid, you know that twins never even crossed my mind when I got pregnant back in 2007 and then BAM twins. Well, guess what? Having a Downs baby never crossed my mind either, we declined all the early testing since I am so young. We kept telling ourselves "One baby will be so easy after having twins" and "we're only adding on one extra year" since the baby will graduate one year after the twins. I feel like such an idiot, and I feel like I did something wrong, and I also don't have any idea about how I really feel at all.

Thursday January 22, 2009
Before this ultrasound my quad screen blood work listed me as having a 1;35,000 chance of having a baby with Downs. One in 35 THOUSAND chance. Yesterday the genetics counselor said that our new number is more like 1:100. I just narrowed my chance by 34,900. That can't be good. What do these numbers mean? There is only one number that I am interested in......

Of 100 fetuses seen to be missing their nasal bones during anatomy ultrasounds, how many will be born with Down Syndrome?

And no one could tell me that, not even the perinatalogist who described himself as "cocky, after 15 years of experience". Not even him. And this is in fact the number one question I have. Blood work can be wrong 20-25% of the time, so that great number we heard could in fact be a total mistake. Ultrasound screening can be wrong about 10% of the time, so that missing nasal bone could in fact be present and just hard to see from a certain angle. The amnio procedure is the only way to know 100%.

After declining it initially, I was in a state of shock, I changed my mind and called MFM first thing Wednesday morning. She said I could have an appointment in one week. ONE WEEK! And it generally takes a week just to get the final results back. I calmly explained that one week was simply out of the question and that I would be willing to make it work whenever they could squeeze us in. Luckily she called back within minutes saying that there was an opening in one hour. We didn't have a babysitter for the twins, but I was willing to go it alone, intense needle phobia and all, if need be. Again, as luck would have it, Cass was able to come over to watch the babies so that Brendan could come along.

They have to tell you all the risks involved with the procedure, the worst of which are miscarriage or pre-term labor. This is a terrible decision to have to make, but I knew I would do it, I couldn't bear the thought of spending the next 20 weeks with my stomach in knots and my mind traveling down every road labeled "worst case scenario". Brendan held my hands tightly and I looked off to the side meditating, willing my legs to stop shaking, searching for a focal point staring blankly off into nothingness.

You don't know how you will react to something like this, at least I didn't. I declined all the early screening, assured by Dr. Chambers that my age didn't put me into a high risk category. I have always declined the early screening, with all of my children, why start this time around? I'm only 29. You just never know how you will react when it is YOU that it is happening to. This may sound unexpected and a tad harsh, but the second I heard Down Syndrome I felt the greatest amount of devastation possible and truly couldn't imagine keeping the baby. Isn't that about the worst thing that can ever go through a mother's mind? The worst thing that she could ever allow her heart to feel? How can I feel that way about my own child? A child nestled deep within my belly, a child I am nurturing even as we speak? I can't stop spinning around with this, desperate to land on solid ground, desperate to find my center.

Friday January 23, 2009
Today is a waiting game. Waiting for balance and clarity. Waiting for a break. Waiting for a single moment to release me from these fears. Waiting for an answer. Waiting for time to stop standing still. Waiting to breathe again. Just waiting.

We had an appointment with Dr. Chambers at 8:15am. I was calm and told myself that whatever happened I wouldn't cry, he's reassured me through enough tears already, today I was resigned to be strong and silent if need be. I even wore mascara as if to prove something to somebody. I put on dangly earrings and lip gloss. These are the mind numbing steps one takes when caught in a waiting game. I practiced many shades of aloofness, put on my casual face and tried pretending it was real.
I also began crying almost as soon as Dr. Chambers entered the room. I can never hide myself from him. Perhaps I trust him a little too much.

This morning was the first time that I have even talked with him about this, about the chance of our baby having Down Syndrome. I phoned him on Tuesday but wasn't aggressive enough about what I needed and couldn't get through. So when we were able to sit down with him and talk face to face it actually cleared up some of the fog I have been stumbling around in. Did he have any definite answers? No. Could he tell me what I ultimately need to hear? Of course not. But he could look me in the eye and give me his opinion and speak from his years of experience, and I could listen to him and find comfort in a familiar voice of the person I have entrusted the care of my babies to for many years, and find a sliver of comfort in what he had to offer. It makes the world of difference when you are speaking to someone you know, to someone you trust.

So far the faces of these specialist have been the faces of strangers.
Their voices have all sounded the same.

Now we are waiting and I am afraid. Afraid that I could potentially lose the child I have already come to love so deeply. Afraid that the strain of a special needs child will be a weight our family cannot support. Afraid that I will mourn for too long. Afraid that guilt will consume my spirit. Afraid that I simply don't have the strength of character, that my heart is simply too small. Afraid of weakness. But most of all I am afraid of the unknown, for I know that I will continue to chase myself around in this maze of fear, down as many dead end roads as I can possibly find, until I know for sure what it is that I really need to be afraid of.

Friday January 23, 2009 3:07pm
One
One baby
One ultrasound
One marker
One in a hundred
One phone call
ONE PHONE CALL

Our FISH results, the early results came back and are indicating that our baby has a standard set of chromosomes. 23 equal pairs. TWENTY THREE EQUAL PAIRS. Have you ever been more in love with the number 23 in all of your life? I am at a loss for words right now, a complete and utter loss. I am so drained, just exhausted, and I don't know whether to laugh or cry out loud. We will get the final results by this coming Thursday, and the FISH results are only 99% accurate so here we are back at number one. One percent chance that the results are wrong, but I'm about ready to leave One behind us. I'm moving on down the road, hand in hand with 99. I'll take it for now, I'll take it. 

After all of this, you'd think I would have more to say, but this entire process has been so intense and emotional that I think I may just need a piece of time to float away with my thoughts and try to renew my spirit and my energy.

Tuesday night as I cried and protested, Brendan was very calm. Calm to point of being almost annoying. I turned on him, demanding to know how and why he could be so smooth in our moment of crisis. "Don't you love our baby!?!" I asked in a terrible accusatory way.

"Oh, Samantha, of course I love our baby. The reason I can feel so calm about all of this is BECAUSE OF THAT LOVE. I know that regardless of what happens we can get through this because we love our child".

I need to leave off here, as I can feel a good cry coming on. I know that I already posted this, but it's been buried by all of the mindless importing I did today and I think that since this post is all about June8ug then she should have another turn in the spotlight. She's my moonbeam and she always will be no matter what.



The Sweetest Gift
"Quietly while you were asleep 
The moon and I were talking
I asked that she'd always keep you protected
She promised you her light
That you so gracefully carried
You bring your light and shine like morning.
And then the wind pulls the clouds across the moon
Your light fills the darkest room
And I can see the miracle that keeps us from falling
She promised all the sweetest gifts
That only the heavens could bestow
You bring your light and shine like morning"
~Sade

*Quick clarification, we still did not find out the sex of  June8ug. As in the past, we will wait for a proper introduction at the time of birth. I've just never been one for calling the baby "it".*

*Now Look Here*

Ok, here we go with the blog maintenance as previously promised. The next 7 posts have been imported from our old 'home' as we prepare to begin demolition and make our stay here permanent. 

***Imported from Just9isFine. Originally posted 6/23/2008***

Micah was 3 years old when we got pregnant with the twins, had already blown out 4 candles by the time we found out about the twins and was half way to the big 5 when our family was made complete by the birth of the twins.

As you can see, he was absolutely thrilled...

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When the babies were born however, he welcomed them into his heart with a degree of poise and grace that was a bit surprising even to me.

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Over the course of the past year, he has forfeited his rank as the 'baby' of the family to not just one, not even two but THREE younger siblings (he has a younger brother at his dad's house as well as the twins) and we sometimes forget what a tremendous adjustment this must have been for him. In part because he has been so agreeable to the natural change and in part because well, perhaps we were so sleep deprived for the past 6 months that we simply didn't have enough time or energy to really notice. Either way, I have been doing my best as of late to sneak some precious time for just the two of us. Sometimes true 'quality' time can be hiding right in front of your eyes, or in our case "glasses". And you need not look much further than the here and now.

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I'm sure there is a part of him that still longs for the days when mommy time meant long afternoons at the children's museum, bike rides in the park or 100 trips down the tube slide together.

But for now, 10 minutes of pure uninterrupted silliness will simply have to do.

*Splish Splash*

***Imported from Just9isFine. Originally posted 6/21/2008***

Well ladies and gents, I did it. I braved the water park alone with two babies in tow. There were some minor complications, but nothing that a little bit of twin-mom-creative-on-the-spot-strategizing couldn't overcome! The wee ones were a bit skeptical at first, but once given a chance they warmed up to the idea and drew attention from many with all their frolicking and splashing about. When it was leaving time, they literally had to be dragged from the water kicking and screaming.....which of course drew even more attention.

Oscar was especially mesmerized by the gleaming surface of the water, the loud churning of the fountains and the breath-taking moments when the slight breeze would pick up enough to carry water over from the sprinklers and shower us with a sudden mist of what had to be the coldest water in all of Brookfield. He took our departure particularly hard, drawing stares, turning heads and raising eyebrows all the way from the kiddie pool to the parking lot.

He was asleep before I even had a chance to buckle his second car seat strap, dreaming about mermaids and waterfalls no doubt.

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*One Toy. Two Babies.*

***Imported from Just9isFine. Originally posted 6/10/2008***

How is it even possible that in a house overflowing with baby toys that two babies could ever find themselves in such a predicament?

One Toy, Two Babies is not a story with a happy ending my friends. No sireee bob, not happy at all. Except of course for One baby who emerges from the fray victoriously clinging to the prize, fingers clenched and eyes wide. As most twin moms will tell you, and as you have already learned from your own longing gazes at greener pastures, what one baby has the other baby wants. Now.

This is a glimpse of what will happen if you ever find yourself with one toy and two babies. (Viewer discretion advised)

One Toy. One Baby~


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One Toy. Two Babies~


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One Toy. Two Babies. Three Teeth~


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One Toy. Two Babies. One Tantrum~


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One Toy. One (rather relieved) Baby. One Referee Mommy~


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Two Babies. Ten toys~


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I wish all math was this simple!

*Tooty Fruity*

***Imported from Just9isFine. Originally posted 5/16/2008***

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I feel like a million bucks, like a teenager in love, like a honey bee. Like a promise you never broke or a secret you never told. I feel like an act of kindness, like a deep bellied laugh.

You know that first morning in spring when you wake up and the grass has turned green overnight, and the trees are budding and you feel an overwhelming sense of rebirth and elation? I feel like spring time. I feel better than spring time.

I feel just Tooty-Fruity.

Nuala Whitefeather has finally slept thru the night.

9pm-6am. Alert the press, call all your family, friends, neighbors, order a round on me and never say never! Now if I can only figure out how to persuade her to do it again tonight......

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*Finally*

***Imported from Just9isFine. Originally posted 5/12/2008***

We did it.....we finally managed to get a family photo! Why did it take so long? Why did we wait an entire winter? Why did we procrastinate? Who knows, it doesn't matter. All that matters now is that we finally got around to it, and now that it's getting nice out I let everyone know that we would be sitting down for another shoot sometime soon. There was some groaning from the peanut gallery, but they'll get over it! 

Here is our best shot~

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And here's one for the blooper reel~

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No one can accuse that boy of being camera shy!

*Sam I Am*

***Imported from Just9isFine. Originally posted 4/30/2008***

Alrighty....I thought it might be fun to take a quick stroll down memory lane. In order to get us all caught up to speed in the flow of our present day life, I figured a few flashes from the past might not hurt.

This is Sam~

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This is Sam on Morphine~

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But who cares about appearances when you have just welcomed these 2 into the world~

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All joking aside, I wouldn't trade in a single second with my family for anything. Not even an unlimited supply of 'good hair days'.

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So it has occurred to me that I do not have a picture of all nine of us. How lame is that?
I scoured my photo library and this is the closest I could get~

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So now I am on a mission to get a decent family photo.