The Thaw

It was a rough weekend. I was on edge and fussy for no good reason which only made me feel even more on edge and fussy. The poor baby was up crying at night with a fever and a clingy case of let's lay on mom. Saoirse woke up with a bad tummy bug Saturday night during her sleepover at grandma's (sorry mom) and I got only half way motivated to clean out the clutter in our bedroom. We all know what a half finished job looks like, right? Ick. I feel stuck in the mud right now. Not really moving forward or making progress, just maintaining the status quo. Just doing the small things day in and day out on instant repeat, and going to bed at night feeling like I didn't get anything accomplished and yet passing out from the sheer exhaustion of it all. And don't get me wrong, I know that there is beauty to be found in all these little things but sometimes there is yearning for the space to stretch and flex all the pieces of myself that have been buried during these coldest months of winter. There is a doll in the driveway that the melting snow revealed to us this weekend. A mama doll who has been buried face down in the snow for months now. She has her hands thrown up in the air as if to wave the white flag but she is still smiling. And so am I because once it's all said and done, once the thaw comes, there is comfort in repetition and an immense amount of satisfaction in taking care of my flock even if it doesn't always feel BIG I am reminded that these little things are pieces of a much larger picture.

The weekend meant a potluck dinner with Nuala and Oscar's class. Forensics for Ruari, Finn and Maija. A party for Sidhe to attend, a pool party for one of Micah's friends and an RSVP to a Chuck E Cheese nightmare celebration for one of Nuala and Oscar's friends. Ruari could tell I was a little down on Saturday and so she baked my favorite brownies and tried to cheer me up, which was so sweet of her. Finn got another acceptance letter along with a substantial scholarship award, which is a HUGE achievement! Brendan and I did not get a date this weekend but I'm optimistic about next Saturday. Tonight he is having dinner with his three oldest kids and I'm taking the little ones to the library or since it's so warm out maybe the playground instead. Poor Maija and Micah are both off to the dentist after school, but since it's Monday Isaac get's the oversee that bit of fun. When I made the appointments I had no idea they would fall on a Monday, I swear. 

And can I just say that the art teacher at Saoirse's afternoon preschool gave us the most beautiful wooden cradle, I mean, it's absolutely gorgeous and I need to think of a way to thank her. As you can see, Saoirse has already put it to good use with all her favorite babies.